During a weekend with friends, one of Wies’ companions suddenly had an intense outburst—a fit of rage followed by tears. “It’s menopause,” she explained. Years later, Wies experienced firsthand the impact hormonal fluctuations can have on one’s mental state.
The four of us were on a weekend getaway, catching up, dining out, and going for walks. One of us had to leave the cottage early on Sunday morning. The night before, our friend Suus asked, “Can you wake me up on time? I’d like to say goodbye to Monique before she leaves.”
The next morning, we forgot. When Suus woke up and realised Monique had already left, she was furious with us. Not just mildly upset—she screamed at us for a good fifteen minutes, ending in a massive crying fit. “It’s menopause,” she sobbed. “Lately, I get angry at everything and everyone, and I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”
At the time, I didn’t fully understand it, but two years later, it was my turn, and I realised how menopause can take a mental toll. For me, it didn’t manifest as anger but as stress. The smallest things felt overwhelming. I felt anxious but didn’t connect it to menopause because I just had so much on my plate.
It was only afterwards that I realised it was indeed the hormones that had thrown me so off balance. I was fortunate not to work for a boss, so I didn’t have to deal with feelings of failure or guilt on top of everything else.
Four of my friends, all in their fifties and holding high-level positions, experienced burnout. They had always managed to juggle everything and handle their responsibilities with ease. They balanced work with family life, but suddenly, out of nowhere, they collapsed.
None of these friends linked it to menopause. It was the work situation, a busy schedule, or “something else,” but no, it couldn’t possibly be menopause.
That’s the tricky part. Hormonal fluctuations can affect neurotransmitters in the brain, leading to a short temper, memory and concentration issues, and poor sleep. Many women see this as a personal failure and just keep pushing through.
From experience, I can tell you that it’s comforting to know that such setbacks can be related to menopause. Just having that understanding can bring a lot of relief.
It was the work situation, a busy schedule, or “something else,” but no, it couldn’t possibly be menopause.
It’s important to talk about it at work, even though it can be difficult. If not for yourself, then for the next generation. In many areas, menopause is no longer a taboo, but in the workplace, it still is. How great would it be if an employer could provide guidance or at least show understanding?
Don’t keep struggling—seek help. Discuss your symptoms with your doctor or a specialised healthcare provider, such as a menopause nurse consultant from the VVOC. Together, you can explore whether hormone therapy or other support is suitable. Be well-prepared.
Finally, more than ever, healthy eating and lifestyle are crucial during menopause. It may sound dull, but slowing down helps. Don’t expect yourself to keep going at the same pace. Here’s some reassurance: it does get better. And that new, slower pace can be surprisingly pleasant.
Wies Verbeek (58) is a journalist, founder of the website BLOW.nl, and author of the book ‘n Beetje Leuk Ouder Worden, 101 verrassende en bewezen tips. And she’s right in the middle of menopause.
