Wies: “Men, are you reading along too?”

I still remember the time we were having dinner, and my boyfriend started talking about planning our summer holiday. I exploded: “Does it have to be now? I already have so much on my mind,” I shouted. “I don’t even know if I ever want to go on holiday again!”

I ran off and started crying uncontrollably. Once again, I had reacted so unreasonably. I was so disappointed in myself, but my boyfriend stayed calm and didn’t point out my behaviour. He just let me be.

That was actually the best thing he could have done. That’s a tip I’d give to any man: be understanding, don’t try to fix it. Let her have those moments.

Another important tip: keep talking to each other. As a woman, you might withdraw because you think he doesn’t understand anyway, but that will only drive you further apart.

Not long ago, a friend of mine, desperate and exhausted, shared with our group of friends that he no longer knew how to deal with his wife’s symptoms. By the way, I don’t know anyone who suffered as much from menopause as she did. It seemed like she had all the symptoms at once, from mood swings to fatigue.

He was worried and wanted to help but didn’t know how. Looking back, I think two things could have been better: she could have been more open to having a conversation, and he could have educated himself more about menopause. That way, she probably would have felt more understood.

Many men have no idea what menopause actually entails or what symptoms come with it. It’s not a criticism; after all, it’s not a subject taught in school. Still, it’s important for men to be well-informed too.

A friend of mine who works at a large bank told me that all employees were required to attend a short internal ‘course’ on menopause. “And?” I asked. “What did the young male colleagues think of it? Did they laugh about it?” “No,” she said, “they found it very useful and listened seriously.”

I thought that was such good news. I think it’s great that menopause has become more openly discussed in recent years and that women in this phase are finally being taken more seriously. I say: time for a celebration.

P.S. With this good news, I’m saying goodbye to SeeMe-nopause, at least as a columnist. I’ve left most of the menopause years behind me. Hormonally, I’m in calmer waters again, and I’ve shared my most important insights with you. In the coming period, I’ll be focusing on a new book. I wish you a smooth menopause journey, and don’t forget: you’ll come out stronger in the end.

Wies Verbeek (58) is a journalist, founder of the website BLOW.nl, and author of the book ’n Beetje Leuk Ouder Worden, 101 verrassende en bewezen tips. She is also in the midst of menopause.