Sharon (48): "I’m finally starting to realise that I don’t have to do everything alone. Others can help too."

Sharon is 48 years old, married, and has two teenage children. She takes care of her family, herself, and her parents, who are dealing with chronic illness and dementia, all while working three days a week as an outreach counsellor. Menopause began with hot flushes, fatigue, and emotional imbalance. "It felt like I no longer had control over my mood."

I think I first realised I didn’t feel like myself anymore when I was around 45. I noticed it in my body first.

Hot flushes, mood swings, and misunderstanding

For Sharon, menopause started with morning hot flushes, afternoon fatigue, and sleepless nights. "But what I really didn’t expect was how completely out of balance my emotions became." It raised many questions for her: "Why did I feel this way? Why didn’t I have any energy anymore? Why did everything feel so heavy?" Where she used to be positive and helpful, she now needed someone to support her.

One minute I was crying over nothing, the next I was incredibly irritated, and I didn’t understand it at all.

Caring for her family

Despite these menopausal symptoms, Sharon continued to care for her family, including two teenagers. Her eldest has ADHD and constantly needs support with school and family life. She tries to create as much routine and structure as possible for her son. "But I’m often so exhausted myself. And then I feel guilty. I try to take care of him, but I’m not always patient. Sometimes I can’t even control my own emotions, and that doesn’t make it any easier for him." Then there are her parents. Her mother is chronically ill, and her father has dementia. Sharon manages everything for her parents, including their care, home cleaning, and administrative tasks, as her brother lives two hours away. This takes up a lot of her time and, above all, her energy. She can’t easily bring in extra help because her father struggles with having new people in the home. "And then there’s the guilt. When I’m with my parents, I feel guilty about my family. When I’m with my family and we’re doing something fun, I feel like I’m abandoning my parents. It’s enough to drive you mad."

She notices that her menopausal symptoms and the situation are also affecting her husband Frank and their children. "Every time I come home, I feel exhausted. And I can see it in my kids and my husband. They notice that I’m different." Fortunately, Sharon and her husband Frank are able to talk about it. "It might sound strange, but there are moments when I just want to drop everything. When I want to let go of everything, not see anyone, not take care of anyone. Just breathe for a moment. Do absolutely nothing. But I also know that’s not possible. Everyone needs something from me."

Things had to change: "I couldn’t keep pretending I could handle everything."

After an emotional visit to her parents, Sharon realised things couldn’t go on like this. Tasks had to be divided more equally, no matter how difficult that was for her. "I asked Frank to help more, to be more involved with the household and the kids." She began to understand that she needed to give herself more attention. After a conversation with her brother, he decided to visit their parents on weekends. "I also started scheduling moments for myself, even if it’s just half an hour. A moment of peace, without worries. I signed up for a yoga club, and that’s really my time now."

Sharon also took the step to visit her doctor and has just started hormone therapy. "I’m not usually one for medication, but something had to change."

How is she doing now?

Sharon realises it’s not easy, especially with the care for her family and parents. "But I’m finally starting to see that I don’t have to do everything alone. I can ask for help. It’s okay not to do everything perfectly. And that’s something I really had to learn. I always thought I had to handle everything myself, but now I see that’s not necessary at all."

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