Els (71): “If I had been listened to more back then, I would have felt less insecure.”

Reading time: approx. 4 minutes

Last updated on: 30 January 2026

Author:Editors SeeMe-nopause

Woman with shoulder-length gray hair wearing a dark knit cardigan, sitting on a beige sofa in a modern living room with soft daylight and kitchen in background.

Els worked in primary education and balanced her part-time job with raising two daughters. When she stopped taking the pill at around 43, she noticed some subtle changes, but nothing particularly clear. “I just stopped taking the pill and didn’t give it much thought.” Menopause? It was hardly ever discussed.

“My colleagues would stick their heads out of the window during meetings. Those were, of course, hot flushes. One of the few symptoms that were recognised at the time.”

I mostly heard about hot flushes, but I hardly experienced them myself.

“I was in my early forties and stopped taking the pill, which had a bad reputation in the media at the time. After that, I didn’t get my period anymore.” She didn’t immediately notice any other signs. Hot flushes—what everyone seemed to talk about—were something she barely experienced. “I mostly saw it in my colleagues: during meetings, they would suddenly stand by the open window to cool down. That’s when I realised: oh, that’s part of it.”

She didn’t hear anything about it in the media. “I never read or saw any information about it anywhere. The internet existed, but there weren’t platforms like this.” It felt like something you just had to endure.

“Only now do I know that my joint pain could also have been caused by menopause.”

Medical support fell short: “No one asked further questions.”

During the time she struggled with joint pain and poor sleep, she moved house frequently, which meant seeing different GPs. “I went several times, but none of them ever suggested it might be related to menopause. They didn’t really ask further questions either.”

Although one doctor did arrange a bone scan and blood tests at the time, she didn’t feel heard in the care she received. “Looking back, I find that disappointing. If someone had said back then, ‘This could be part of it,’ I would have felt less insecure, and maybe I would have suffered less from it now.”

Within her family and circle of friends, she fortunately felt supported. “I’ve known my friends since the antenatal class—we call ourselves ‘De Tuttenclub.’ I could talk to them about it back then, and I still can. At work, it was different; there, it was treated with a bit of mockery.”

I often thought: don’t make a fuss, this is just part of it.

“I didn’t do much about it, but now I would ask more questions.”

At the time, Els didn’t do much about her symptoms. “You just kept going. I didn’t feel like I was allowed to complain. It wasn’t taken seriously, so you don’t really bring it up.” What would have helped her? “Access to information. Like what you’re doing now with SeeMe-nopause. Being able to read that you’re not the only one.”

Looking back now, she feels a sense of compassion. “I regret experiencing it the way I did back then, but I also understand that the knowledge wasn’t at the level it is today. Still, I would now be more inclined to ask: where are these symptoms coming from? And what can I do about them?”

“If I had been able to read back then what I know now, I would have felt more confident in conversations with the doctor. Maybe I would have been able to express more clearly what I needed.”

Els’ advice for women today

Els hopes that women today will dare to make use of all the information and help that is available. “You don’t have to wait for it to pass. And take yourself seriously, especially in your interactions with your gynaecologist. You don’t have to brush it off or think it’s just part of life. Asking questions, probing further, seeking information: it makes a difference. And you really deserve to give yourself that.”

Maybe you recognise some of the symptoms mentioned in this story. Are you wondering if you might be going through menopause? The menopause test can provide you with some initial answers.