Low sex drive and menopause
Do you feel like your sex drive has taken a nosedive? Menopause can do that to you. This is not surprising when you think about it. Sexual behaviour or sex drive (libido) is controlled by sex hormones. During menopause, these hormones are anything but balanced. How does this work exactly? And what can you do to get your sex drive back in gear?
Our sex life used to be amazing. Now I can't even remember the last time my husband and I were intimate. - Petra (age 58)
There's no getting away from menopause. A whopping 80 percent of women experience menopausal symptoms. About 20 to 45 percent of women struggle with a decline in their sex drive. The underlying reasons are different for each woman. Depending on the cause, which can be difficult to pinpoint, you may start losing interest in sex from as early as perimenopause.
It's perfectly normal for your sex drive to change as you age. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself and to listen to what your body needs. Or you can start to explore ways to 'reboot’ your sex drive. Fun fact: for some women, menopause is a time when they get to rediscover themselves and their sex life.
What is happening in your body?
Losing your sex drive during your menopausal years is very common and can be due to several factors. First of all, hormonal changes have a huge impact on sexual function. The sex hormones oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone could be described as the fuel for lovemaking. They contribute heavily to lust and sexual arousal, put you in the right mood for sex, and ensure your vaginal flora stays healthy.
When oestrogen levels drop, your vagina can become less sensitive to sexual stimulation, making it more difficult to become aroused. Low oestrogen also contributes to vaginal dryness and can make it challenging for the vagina to become lubricated. This can make intercourse painful or difficult. In addition, falling levels of progesterone and testosterone (which drive our lustfulness arousal) can also affect your desire for sex. Even if you enjoy sex and want to have it. You may also experience other symptoms of menopause, such as urinary tract infection, low energy or hair loss.
Other factors
Your mood, which may or not be affected by menopause, and your energy level can also impact your desire for intimate contact with your partner. It's perfectly normal to lose that sexual spark when you're preoccupied with work or tired because night sweats are keeping you awake.
Also, sex is often the last thing on your mind when you're feeling low, irritable or fighting with your teenage kid. Of course, the fact that you are more sensitive to stress during your menopausal years does not exactly help either.
Think about it: of course you’re going to enjoy sex more when you're not exhausted or obsessing over something and when you feel comfortable in your skin. It can be a challenge adjusting to all the changes your body goes through at this time, so it’s natural to feel insecure or self-conscious. If you feel less attractive or sexy, the thought of having sex can become more and more unpleasant.
As you change so do your sexual needs
Menopause is called 'the change' for a reason. It’s a time of transformation and self-reflection. You may discover new sides of yourself, get a clearer idea of what it is you want, and perhaps feel more confident. That's wonderful!
It can also influence how you look at your relationship and sex life. Your needs may change. You’re bound to learn new things about yourself (and your relationship) on your journey through menopause. This can be scary as well as exciting at the same time.
What can you do?
How you experience sex is a personal matter and can change during menopause. This can be a cause of concern if you feel like it's impacting your relationship negatively. What can you do to improve intimacy and get your sex drive back in gear?
- What is on your mind? Communicating with your partner is essential for maintaining a good relationship. Whether it is about your sex life, intimacy in your relationship, or what feelings you are having, be open about how you feel. By creating a trusting atmosphere, you can navigate the changes of menopause together. Take time to rediscover each other. This can also be a time to deepen your connection.
- Use it or lose it. The best way to stay sexually interested is to keep having sex. Lovemaking and masturbation increase testosterone levels, which is a hormone that stimulates sex drive. So if you’ve lost your libido, masturbating can help to build it up again.
- Take your time. Spending time on foreplay makes sex more pleasurable. When you make time for each other and devote more time to foreplay, you’ll notice that it will be easier to get aroused. Foreplay isn't purely physical; it helps to prepare the mind for sex. It also releases so-called love hormones and reduces cortisol, the primary stress hormone. This makes you more relaxed and in the moment, which can lead to more enjoyable sex.
- Use a lubricant. Sex isn't supposed to hurt. If you have vaginal dryness, then a lubricant can help prevent discomfort during sexual intercourse. A vaginal lubricant will give you temporary moisture to prevent friction, soreness and irritation. You can also ask a doctor to prescribe a vaginal oestrogen suppository to reduce vaginal dryness.
- And remember: Many women find the need for sex and intimacy comes back in postmenopause. This is especially true for women who know what their bodies need.
Medication for libido problems
Hormone therapy can be a game-changing medication for women with severe menopausal symptoms. If persistent low libido is getting you down and negatively affecting your relationship and the way you see yourself, perhaps it’s time to consider it.
Do your own research and talk to a doctor first.
What treatment is right for you?
Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) replaces the sex hormones that your body produces less of as you go through menopause. Using HRT can be very effective for many menopausal symptoms, including hot flashes, sleep problems and low mood – and may help restore libido as well. Of course, being able to enjoy pain-free sex again can also do wonders for your sex life.
Hormone therapy for libido problems
Activelle (Kliovance) and Oestrogel are examples of HRT. Both contain oestradiol, a bioidentical form of oestrogen. Activelle (Kliovance) also contains progestin, a synthetic form of progesterone. Which of these treatments is right for you depends on your symptoms and situation.
HRT has given my sex drive a boost. Intercourse feels pleasurable again, which is wonderful. I really missed being intimate. - Melissa (age 48)
Supplements
Menopause is a major change in a woman's life, so it is important to watch your health. You need to get plenty of vitamins and minerals to give your body the nutrients it needs to thrive during this time of transition and to reduce unwanted symptoms, such a low libido. Supplements can support a healthy lifestyle.
Sources
- Sarrel PM, Whitehead MI. (1985). Sex and menopause: defining the issues. PMID: 4079821.
- Hällström T, Samuelsson S. (1990). Changes in women's sexual desire in middle life: the longitudinal study of women in Gothenburg. PMID: 2360875.
- Cleveland Clinic. (2022). How Sex Changes After Menopause. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/sex-and-menopause.
Your path to a smooth menopause starts here
Get the tools you need to navigate menopause with more ease and to educate yourself about your body. With tips and insights from experts, and relatable stories of women just like you. Press play, not pause.
Tips and advice
Want to beat menopausal weight gain? Learn how to control your weight from a menopause specialist!
What to do (and not to do) to lose weight during your menopausal years
7 common myths about menopause
We're debunking seven common misconceptions about menopause.
How stress affects your menopausal symptoms (probably more than you think)
Stress can certainly heighten the symptoms of menopause. Here's how it works.
FAQ
I have lost my desire to have sex. Will my sex drive come back?
A decrease in libido is a common symptom for menopausal women. The changes occurring in your life influence you both physically and mentally. Once your body adjusts to these changes and relaxes, your sex drive can come back. There are also things you can do to stimulate your sexual desire. The menopausal part of life is, for some women, a time when they get to rediscover themselves and their sex life. Allow plenty of time for having sex and for foreplay. You’ll notice this helps to enjoy sex more. Lubricants can help moisten the vagina and prevent pain. It can also help to talk about your feelings. Communicating with your partner is essential for maintaining a good relationship.
19065378617
