Low sex drive and menopause: what you need to know

Losing your sex drive during your menopausal years is very common and can be due to several factors. First of all, hormonal changes have a huge impact on sexual function. The sex hormones oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone could be described as the fuel for lovemaking. They contribute heavily to lust and sexual arousal, put you in the right mood for sex, and ensure your vaginal flora stays healthy. 

When oestrogen levels drop, your vagina can become less sensitive to sexual stimulation, making it more difficult to become aroused. Low oestrogen also contributes to vaginal dryness and can make it challenging for the vagina to become lubricated. This can make having sex painful or difficult. In addition, falling levels of progesterone and testosterone (which drive our lustfulness arousal) can also affect your desire for sex. Even if you enjoy sex and want to have it. 

Many women experience a host of symptoms as they go through menopause, such as hot flashes, sleep problems and mood swings. 

Your mood, which may or not be affected by menopause, and your energy level can also impact your desire for intimate contact with your partner. It's perfectly normal to lose that sexual spark when you're preoccupied with work or tired because night sweats are keeping you awake. Sex is often the last thing on your mind when you're feeling depressed, irritable or fighting with your teenage kid. Of course, the fact that you are more sensitive to stress during your menopausal years does not exactly help either.  

Think about it: of course you’re going to enjoy sex more when you're not exhausted or obsessing over something and when you feel comfortable in your skin. It can be a challenge adjusting to all the changes your body goes through at this time, so it’s natural to feel insecure or self-conscious. If you feel less attractive or sexy, the thought of having sex can become more and more unpleasant. 

Menopause is called 'the change' for a reason. It’s a time of transformation and self-reflection. You may discover new sides of yourself, get a clearer idea of what it is you want, and perhaps feel more confident. That's wonderful! But it can also influence how you look at your relationship and sex life. Your needs may change.  

You’re bound to learn new things about yourself on your journey through menopause. This can be scary as well as exciting at the same time. 

There's no getting away from menopause. A whopping 80 percent of women experience menopausal symptoms. About 20 to 45 percent of women struggle with a decline in their sex drive. The underlying reasons are different for each woman. Depending on the cause, which can be difficult to pinpoint, you may start losing interest in sex from as early as perimenopause. It's perfectly normal for your sex drive to change as you age. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself and to listen to what your body needs. Or you can start to explore ways to 'reboot’ your sex drive. Fun fact: for some women, menopause is a time when they get to rediscover themselves and their sex life.

Sex is something you share with your partner. The intimacy you experience when you have sex is part of your relationship and the connection you have. Whatever is causing your lack of desire, it's important to talk openly with your partner.  

• What is on your mind? Communicating with your partner is essential for maintaining a good relationship. Whether it is about your sex life, intimacy in your relationship, or what feelings you are having, be open about how you feel. By creating a trusting atmosphere, you can navigate the changes of menopause together. Take time to rediscover each other. This can also be a time to deepen your connection. 
• Use it or lose it. The best way to stay sexually interested is to keep having sex. Lovemaking and masturbation increase testosterone levels, which is a hormone that stimulates sex drive. So if you’ve lost your libido, masturbating can help to build it up again. 
• Take your time. Spending time on foreplay makes sex more pleasurable. When you make time for each other and devote more time to foreplay, you’ll notice that it will be easier to get aroused. Foreplay isn't purely physical; it helps to prepare the mind for sex. It also releases so-called love hormones and reduces cortisol, the primary stress hormone. This makes you more relaxed and in the moment, which can lead to more enjoyable sex. 
• Use a lubricant. Sex isn't supposed to hurt. If you have vaginal dryness, then a lubricant can help prevent discomfort during sexual intercourse. A vaginal lubricant will give you temporary moisture to prevent friction, soreness and irritation. You can also ask a doctor to prescribe a vaginal oestrogen suppository to reduce vaginal dryness. 
• Consider hormone therapy. Hormone therapy treats menopausal symptoms at the root by supplementing the body with the hormones that it is lacking. It can allow you to enjoy your sex life once again without pain or discomfort.