Not feeling like yourself and menopause: what you need to know

Oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, declines around menopause. The release of oxytocin in the brain is triggered by social interactions. Oxytocin is responsible for helping us to feel bonded to our partner or children. When oxytocin levels fall, your feelings towards your loved ones can change. You may feel alienated or antisocial. All of a sudden, you may get fed up with caring and looking after others. All because oxytocin has taken a nosedive.  

Falling oestrogen and progesterone levels can also influence the formation of new connections in the brain, leading to changes in thoughts, emotions, interests and mood. Hormonal fluctuations can cause mood swings. So, there is a logical reason why you don't feel like yourself. It's not something you need to be overly worried about.

Hormonal changes can also trigger a variety of menopausal symptoms, such as hot flashes, sleep problems and mood swings. 

There are also other factors besides menopause that can impact your emotions, or cause you to feel or act in ways that are simply not like you. Take, for instance, poor sleep, mood swings or lack of energy.  

Fatigue can have a huge impact on our mental and emotional state. When you're tired, your cognitive abilities decline and your emotional resilience weakens. This can make it more difficult to regulate your emotions and respond to emotional triggers in a balanced way. You may become more irritable, easily frustrated and more likely to feel overwhelmed, which of course can have a negative impact on your mood. 

Menopause also affects women psychologically. It can reopen old, unresolved wounds or trauma, resulting in symptoms such as an inability to control emotions or feelings of estrangement. 

Furthermore, the loss of fertility can bring mixed feelings and emotions. It has been shown that women with more negative attitudes towards menopause in general report more menopausal symptoms. The relationship between cause and effect still remains unclear, but we think a negative attitude and altered sense of self can contribute to feelings of alienation. 

Menopause can affect women's emotions and behaviours. According to research up to 40 percent of women experience low mood, and it is also not uncommon for women to feel restless or agitated. There is not a clear-cut answer on how long these symptoms last. Most women suffer from emotional problems for several years. It simply takes time for your hormones to settle down. Once you are postmenopausal, your hormone levels will remain at a constant low level. As a result, most symptoms of menopause will ease up or disappear completely, and the emotional roller coaster will calm down.  

It can help to look at your symptoms from a different perspective: your body is telling you to take care of yourself. Feeling less inclined to care for others (due to a drop in oxytocin) is something lots of women experience during their menopausal years. It may be just what you need at this stage of your journey. It's time to put your own needs first and to listen to your body. Think of this stage as time for self-reflection and personal development. 

It's human nature to overcompensate when we are feeling bad. Women, especially, tend to overcompensate by masking their symptoms, suppressing their true feelings and continuing to care for others. Try to avoid this behaviour. It's OK to focus on yourself for once. How do you improve your emotional well-being? Here are some tips to get you started. 

• Reframe menopause as a new beginning. Consider this stage as an opportunity to rediscover yourself, to let go of things that are not serving you and to find a new path moving forward. 
• Talk about your feelings. Share what is going on inside you. Talking can be a relief. Let your partner or children know that you need time to focus on yourself. When you open up, you invite empathy and understanding into our life.  
• Make time to relax. Adequate and quality sleep is the basis for a well-functioning body. Also try relaxation techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, yoga or breathing exercises. Research has shown that these techniques reduce stress and help to cope with the changes menopause brings. 
• Exercise daily. Regular exercise promotes the release of endorphins, also known as happiness hormones. Exercise also lowers cortisol levels (the stress hormone), making you feel calmer and less stressed. 
• Try to maintain a positive attitude. Focus on the things you're grateful for. Time and time again research has pointed to the value of gratitude in improving emotional well-being. 
• Take supplements to support your emotional well-being. High-quality supplements, such as magnesium, saffron and ashwagandha, can support your well-being as you go through menopause. 
• Sometimes a healthy lifestyle isn't enough. Hormone therapy can be used to treat mental health symptoms if dietary and lifestyle adjustments do not provide sufficient relief. Talk to a doctor for advice.