Wies: “All we can do is be kind to each other”

The woman's body goes through an incredible change during menopause and it's amazing how each woman's experience is completely unique. Some women seem to breeze through menopause while others have a very difficult time with their symptoms. Take my friend, for instance. I remember her sweating profusely at the most inopportune moments. There she’d be just hanging on, waiting for it to pass before rushing to the shower.  

I watched her go through it numerous times. It was just horrible. In addition to these embarrassing sweat attacks, she would also get what she referred to as ‘brain fog’. “I just can’t think straight,” she’d say, “I end up reading the same sentence 10 times in a row because it just isn’t sticking.”  

<h2>Menopause affects each person differently 

Fortunately, I didn’t get any of these symptoms. I struggled with sleep problems, menopausal rage and loss of libido. This was no picnic either, I assure you. If I had to rate the menopausal symptoms I experienced on a scale from 1 to 10, I would categorise my symptoms as moderate, and my friend’s symptoms as severe.  

My sister, on the other hand, sailed through menopause wondering what the fuss is all about. Describing her symptoms as ‘mild’ would be an overstatement. How come menopause affects each person differently?  

<h2>Genetic and lifestyle factors 

According to research, 80 percent of menopausal women report experiencing symptoms, with 30 percent reporting that their symptoms hinder their ability to work, study or just enjoy their day-to-day life. How come every woman's experience with menopause is so different?  

There is no single answer to this question, but we know there are factors that could be at play. For example, daughters reach menopause around the same age as their mothers. In my case, this is entirely true. My sister and I reached menopause at age 53, just like our mother. However, your mother’s history doesn’t say anything about what symptoms you will experience and how severe they will be.  

There also appears to be a connection between lifestyle factors and menopause. Smoking and obesity can cause a woman to go into perimenopause earlier, and to experience more severe or frequent symptoms. A healthy diet and exercise, on the other hand, can reduce menopausal symptoms.  

Hormones and stress

Your hormones also impact your menopausal journey. Fluctuating or declining levels of oestrogen and progesterone can cause or exacerbate menopausal symptoms. The more dramatic or erratic the changes are, the more symptoms you will have. If the changes are more gradual, the less intense your symptoms might be.  

Stress can make menopausal symptoms worse. I have found this to be true. Women with a history of depression have increased risk of depression during menopause. All I can say is that I feel very lucky to have gone through menopause and come out on the other side in one piece. 

Other factors that we don't know about now may also affect how women experience menopause. Scientists are still learning why some women have worse symptoms than others.  

Empathy makes a world of difference!

Always remember that every woman's journey through menopause is personal and unique. There is no one-size-fits-all in terms of time or experience. Some women barely have symptoms, while others are hugely impacted by symptoms that linger well into postmenopause. All we can do is be kind to each other. 

Who is Wies? 

Wies Verbeek (58) is a healthy ageing journalist, founder of website BLOW.nl, and author of ’n Beetje Leuk Ouder Worden, 101 verrassende en bewezen tips (Ageing Happily, 101 surprising tips that work). And... she's going through menopause like the rest of us. 

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