Wies: “I had no idea at the time that my hormones were making me feel emotionally unstable”

When Wies was on holiday with a group of friends, something caused one of her friends to snap. She completely went off the deep end, snot, tears and everything. Watching menopause in action wasn't pretty. A few years later, the shoe was on the other foot. Now it was Wies who was feeling emotionally unstable due to menopause. 

Menopause rage

We had booked a weekend trip. Just four friends spending some quality time together, catching up, eating out and going for walks, that sort of thing. One of my friends, Monique, had to leave early on Sunday morning. The night before, my friend Suus asked if we could wake her up, so that she could say goodbye to Monique.  

Long story short, we completely forgot to wake her up. By the time Suus was up Monique had left, and Suus was furious. She completely went off the deep end, snot, tears and everything. This went on for about 15 minutes and then she slumped to the sofa weeping. “I think it’s menopause,” she said between sobs. “I’ve been snapping at everyone lately. What’s wrong with me?”  

Menopause can cause stress

At the time, I didn’t really understand what Suus was going through. But two years later, the shoe was on the other foot. Menopause affected me differently though. Not so much emotionally, more in the way I responded to stress. I wasn’t able to cope with even the slightest bit of additional pressure and felt constantly on edge. Menopause never crossed my mind. I was just busy surviving from one day to the next.  

It's only in hindsight that I realise that my hormones were making me feel emotionally unstable. Fortunately, I didn’t have an employer to answer to, so I did not feel guilty or like a failure for struggling.  

Bam! Burnout!

Four friends of mine, all women in their 50s with high-profile jobs, suffered burnouts. They had always juggled different roles and responsibilities effortlessly. Combining work and family life can be quite hectic but they were pulling it off. Then, bam! Burnout hit.  

None of my friends thought of menopause as the reason for their issues. The culprit was their work situation or busy schedule... anything as long as it wasn't menopause.    

Recognise your feelings and emotions

That's the tricky thing about menopause. Hormones affect neurotransmitters in the brain during hormonal transition periods, which can lead to temper problems, loss of memory and concentration and sleep problems. Women usually blame themselves, put their heads down and get on with it. I can speak from experience when I say that it is not your fault that you’re burned out. It’s menopause that is responsible. Being aware of this can be a relief.  

The culprit was their work situation or busy schedule... anything as long as it wasn't menopause.

Don’t go on struggling

Talk about your struggles at work, even if this is hard to do. Please do it, if not for yourself, then for the next generation. In recent years many taboos have been broken, but there’s still a lot to be done in the area of mental health and work. Openly discussing burnout is the first step towards breaking the taboo. Imagine a world where employers provide guidance, or are at least understanding. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?  

Don't go on struggling on your own, reach out and get the support that you need. Keep going back to your GP until they listen or have a conversation with a menopause consultant. Find out if hormone therapy could be an option for you. Prepare yourself for menopause.  

Last but not least, a healthy diet and lifestyle are essential for overall well-being, especially during menopause. We know this may sound boring, but are you getting enough rest and relaxation? Go easy on yourself. Menopause is a major shift and you need to adjust to the change (which also means adjusting your pace). Here’s a comforting thought: you’ll be fine! Who knows, you might even enjoy taking things slower. 

Who is Wies?

Wies Verbeek (58) is a healthy ageing journalist, founder of website BLOW.nl, and author of ’n Beetje Leuk Ouder Worden, 101 verrassende en bewezen tips (Ageing Happily, 101 surprising tips that work). And... she's going through menopause like the rest of us. 

FAQ

What does transition do to you mentally?

During the menopause, you may experience all kinds of emotions. You may experience: irritability, mood swings, feelings of anxiety, crying and difficulty concentrating, among others. You may also feel restless, insecure, emotional or gloomy. 

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