Wies: “This is for all the men out there too!”

Let's admit it: menopause isn't just a challenging time for women. It can also be hard on the men who love them. Without mutual understanding, emotional distance can grow. Here’s a tip for all the partners out there. Never say: You're so hormonal! 

Try being empathetic rather than problem solving

I remember one time when we were having dinner and my boyfriend wanted to discuss our summer holiday. I exploded and yelled, “Do we need to do this now? I have enough on my plate as it is! I don’t even know if I want to go on holiday!”  

I got up from the table and burst into tears. I was being unreasonable, and I knew it. My boyfriend, on the other hand, remained calm. He didn’t scream or raise his voice. He just let me cry and rant, which is the best thing he could have done. 

Here’s a tip for all the husbands and partners to help you navigate menopause: let it go. Emotions can run high, but they will pass.  

Keep communicating

Here’s another tip: keep lines of communication open. Women can withdraw when they feel their partner doesn’t understand what they're going through, and men tend to keep their heads down and wait for the storm to blow over. This dynamic will only push you further apart.  

Years ago, a friend of ours confided that he no longer knew how to deal with his wife's emotional meltdowns. Out of all my friends, she was having the worst menopause. She had every symptom in the book.  

He was worried about his wife’s mental health and wanted to help her, but he didn’t know how. Looking back, I think they could have done two things differently: she could have been more open, and he could have educated himself on menopause. I think it would have helped her feel more understood and valued.  

Live and learn

Most men have no idea what menopause entails and what symptoms menopause can cause. Who can blame them? They were never taught about menopause at school. We need to educate on this subject because it affects not just women. 

A friend of mine who works for a large bank told me her company had organised a menopause workshop – and it was mandatory for all employees! “And..,” I asked her, “How did the workshop go down with the younger men. I bet they found it hilarious.” “Not at all,” she said. “They were actually interested and engaged.”  

Isn’t that great? Thankfully, attitudes towards menopause are changing for the better and menopause is being discussed more openly. Women are finally being taken seriously. We're even throwing parties to celebrate menopause! 

P.S. It's on this high note that my time at SeeMe-nopause – at least, as a columnist – has come to an end. The worst of the menopause is behind me now. My hormones have settled down and I've shared most of my insights with you. In the coming months, I plan to focus on writing a new book. I wish you all the best on your journey through menopause and remember, life on the other side of menopause is really wonderful! 

More blogs by Wies? “It’s a relief to know that menopause is behind these strange symptoms” 

Who is Wies?  

Wies Verbeek (58) is a healthy ageing journalist, founder of website BLOW.nl, and author of ’n Beetje Leuk Ouder Worden, 101 verrassende en bewezen tips (Ageing Happily, 101 surprising tips that work). And... she's going through menopause like the rest of us. 

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